mmm, floral

The ninja who prowls
through a field of lavender
smells like a sock drawer.

– 6th c. haiku

Lavender: not just for your deadly hand soaps and sachets anymore.  The secret of bringing your enemy to their knees is dollops of lavender cream.  Lest you fear bringing shame upon your family for just eating it with a spoon in front of the fridge… ahem… let us create a vehicle for consumption too.

Lavender Cream
1.5 cup heavy cream
3 Tbs honey
1 Tbs dried lavender blossoms (I found them at One World Market, or online)

Combine in a small saucepan and bring to a boil, stirring frequently.  Remove from heat, and steep for 30 minutes (or less, depending on your taste).  Strain into a jar, reserving 0.5 cup for scones.  Chill the remaining cream several hours to overnight.  When you’re ready to attack, whip the cream in a cold bowl to desired stiffness.  Apply liberally and often (It also freezes well).

Lemon & Lavender Scones
Combine:
2 cups A.P. flour
1 Tbs baking powder
3 Tbs sugar
0.25 tsp salt
Rub in 6 Tbs of cold unsalted butter until it looks like lumpy sand.

Whisk together:
0.5 cup lavender cream
1 egg
Zest of one lemon
Juice of half the lemon
(I prefer Meyer lemons, if you don’t have any add a little more sugar)

Combine wet and dry ingredients- until it just holds together as a ball of sticky dough.  Turn it out onto a floured surface, and roll to desired thickness.  Cut into the shape of your choice, brush the tops with cream and sprinkle with sugar.  Bake 10-15 minutes, until golden around the edges.

What do I do with the other 1/2 lemon?

this won't hurt a bit...

Lemon Curd
Combine 0.5 c sugar, 3 Tbs flour, 0.5 tsp salt;  whisk in 0.75 cup (Meyer) lemon juice (ok, that’s about 4 lemons. But a true ninja is never without extra lemons).  Bring to a boil, stirring constantly.  Temper 1 egg yolk with lemon mixture, put back on heat and cook for an additional minute or so. Stir in 1 Tbs lemon zest, 1 Tbs butter. Cover and chill.

In celebration of the fourth of July, I thought some of you might like a good potato salad recipe you can use to awe your friends and humble your enemies. Does this one live up to its name? Let’s just say that when Batman had his memorial day barbecue on the beach, in the dark, alone (because he’s awesome), he probably made this salad.

INGREDIENTS:

5lb pound bag of potatoes, washed. (I like red skinned potatoes best, but yukon gold work fine)
Big handful of parsley leaves (when chopped, you want a generous cup)
2 lemons, both zested, one juiced
3-4 cloves garlic, minced
3 tablespoons of capers, drained (not rinsed) and roughly chopped
1/3 cup (or a generous glug) of olive oil
A shake or two of red pepper flakes*
Truth, Justice*
Sea salt
Pepper to taste

*optional

METHOD:

Put the potatoes in a large pot and cover with cold, generously salted water. Bring to a boil, then cook until a knife easily slides into the center–usually this is about 15-20 minutes after you reach a boil. The whole process takes about 40-45 mintes.

While the potatoes are cooking, make the dressing. If you have a cuisinart, you can just throw all your remaining ingredients in and give it a few whirls till it looks like a rough salsa. If not, have your sidekick laboriously chop everything by hand in true personality-building fashion, and give it all a good stir in a bowl. Your dressing should look more like a big mass of chopped green more than a liquid “sauce.” Let this sit to allow the flavors to develop while you finish dealing with the potatoes.

When the potatoes are cooked, drain them and allow to cool so you don’t burn yourself. Then, quarter, chop, or dice the hell out of them. When they are still warm, throw your dressing over them and toss, thoroughly. This is a great time to enjoy some amazing smells as all the lemon and garlic and parsley mellow out with the steam. Check for seasoning–usually the potatoes need a grind or two of salt, though a glug of olive oil helps if things seem too dry.

You can serve this warm in cooler weather or as a fancier side-dish, though I like it best at room temperature. It also makes for pretty excellent next-day leftovers.

*Note: this is adapted from a more dressed-up recipe from the always excellent food blog Orangette.

The ninja needs to eat lunch, it is true. Sometimes, however, the ninja’s hunger is not sated by a single heart-shaped dish. Occasionally the ninja needs to destroy lunch like a cocky warlord’s errant army of undisciplined henchmen. That’s what this dish brings to mind: the broken spears and decapitated foes of one’s enemy, personified by delicate spring asparagus, vanquished tofu, defeated spinach, and charmingly golden, pan-fried chickpeas, all prostrate to the awesome power of lemon.

Ah, lemon! What fruit could be more beautiful, striking, or useful? Consider its glorious flavor, clean and bright. Consider its arresting yellow color, its beautiful zest. Consider its efficacy as a weapon: used to stun an opponent when deployed as a projectile, squirted into the frantic eye of a foe, or most devious, employed as that silent agent that finds all hidden paper-cuts, lurking unnoticed, on an enemy hand. Such is the power of the lemon, and such is the power of this dish.

Ingredients

1 lemon, juiced and zested
1 can of chickpeas, rinsed and drained
1/2 bunch of asparagus, cut into 1 inch sections
1 package of tofu (medium or firm), drained, cut into delectable morsels
1 medium onion, or 2 shallots, diced
1 handful of baby spinach, roughly chopped as if by swords
1 generous glug of olive oil

Method

Artfully glug the olive oil into a waiting skillet, and add the tofu. cook until it has heated through, and begun to color. Remove from pan and set aside. In the same skillet, add the onions and your chickpeas and cook for several minutes until both have started to caramelize and turn delightfully golden. Add your asparagus. Stir occasionally so that nothing burns, and add a little oil if things begin to stick. As soon as your asparagus have cooked through (a few to several minutes, depending on how thick they are) turn off the heat and add your patiently waiting tofu and the baby spinach. Do not fear: it will surrender to the heat of the pan. Once it has wilted, add the lemon zest and juice. Stir, then salt to taste.

Serve with your favorite peasant-tribute grain. This serves 2 ravenously hungry ninja, or up to 4 henchmen.

*Adapted for asparagus from the always ninjarific food blog, 101cookbooks by Heidi Swanson.

Ingredients

1 perfectly ripe avocado
1/4 tsp. ground cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp. ground cumin
1 1/4 tsp lemon juice (lime works beautifully here, too)
1 tsp. olive oil
Sea salt, to taste

Method

Slice avocado and arrange like beautiful, perfect shuriken. Whisk ground cumin and cayenne pepper in small container with olive oil, lemon juice, and salt. Taste, and adjust if necessary. Drizzle avocado poetically with tangy dressing. Eat as-is for a light appetizer, or serve on top of lettuce with scallions and mandarin oranges as part of a delightful salad. Artfully devour.

**Since this recipe is so simple, make sure you have a good avocado, or its flaws, like a poorly executed death strike, will be unavoidably obvious.