The Sweet Taste of Apple Pie (and Victory)
Large tart apples make the best pies.
As summer vegetables wither and die before the onslaught of the fall frosts, a ninja in the countryside must seek out hardier prey. It is during the dark evenings of September and October that a stealthy ninja may acquire the hardiest and most resilient of all fruits: the apple. And with apples a ninja may create that greatest of all deserts to warm his cold heart in the autumn twilight: an apple pie. Large tart apples make the best pies, so choose your targets carefully. Pedestrian apples such as Macs or the Delicious varieties are both decadent and unsuitable; there is no honor to be found in dispatching them. Varieties such as the aptly named Northern Spie or the Cortland are far better sited opponents to a true ninja.
First, a ninja makes his own crust. Lazy ninjas caught with store bought crust shame their family and their clan unto the last generation. To make a crust worthy of the name combine:
Flour (3 Cups)
Cold Water (6-8 Tablespoons.)
Salt (1 Teaspoon)
Shortening (1 Cup)
I usually roll the dough up into a ball, wrap it in saran wrap, and chill it in the fridge for a while before rolling it out – like a ninja, it handles better when it is chilled to the core. It should be slightly flaky and hard to handle due to the high shortening content. Use extra flour on the counter and on the rolling pin to avoid sticking. Persevere and you will emerge victorious and be rewarded with a golden flaky crust.
Now on to the filling. Combine in a mixing bowl:
1 Cup Sugar
2 Tablespoons Flour
1/2 Teaspoon Cinnamon
1/4 Teaspoon Salt
1 Tablespoon Cider Vinegar
The salt and vinegar are vital. Just as the sweet taste of victory is always cut with bitterness, so the sugar must be tempered and mastered. When the mixture is thuroughly combined and even in consistency move on to your primary target: the apples.
You will need about five apples. Delicately peel and core them. When that is accomplished, Unleash your fury upon them till they are reduced to thin, compliant slices. Toss the slices in the mix till evenly coated, then place the filling within the crust.
Bake your pie in a 400 degree oven and meditate on what you have done for one hour. Be sure to place your pie pan over a baking sheet or a sheet of tinfoil. Errant juices may spurt from the shell and will result in an impromptu smoke bomb if they build up on the bottom of the oven. Unless you plan on escaping and need a distraction, this is to be avoided.
Let your pie cool for a while before savoring your victory, but do not savor it too much. Winter is nigh and another battle lies just around the corner.
