Ingredients:

1 inch fresh ginger, peeled, then grated or minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 onion, diced
1/2 Lb. new potatoes, peeled & halved
1 can of diced tomatoes with juices
1 can of garbanzo beans, rinsed and drained
1 heaping teaspoon ground cumin
1 heaping teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon turmeric (optional)
A shake of cayenne (to taste–note that this will gain potency as it warms up)
A shake of cinnamon
Salt
A glug of oil

Method:

Dice, mince, and humble your ingredients for the procedure ahead. In a dry, medium-large sauce pan, add all your dry spices (the cumin, coriander, turmeric, cinnamon, and cayenne). Turn the heat to medium and toast for about a minute, stirring so nothing burns. When the smell of the spices has warmed your nose like the first blush of a springtime katana duel, add your oil, onions, garlic and ginger. Stir quickly so nothing sticks and burns and let soften–about a minute (you can add some more oil here, if necessary). Add your potatoes, chickpeas, and the tomatoes with their juices. Stir everything so that nothing is stuck to the bottom of the pan and everything is well mixed. Reduce to a simmer, and cover. For the next 35 minutes the dish will cook itself while you decimate a warlord’s errant army, prank the local sword master, darn your ninja-gi, or whatever it is you spend your time with these days. If you are one of those rare ninja with actual free time, you can give the pot a stir every now and then to make sure nothing is burning, but you don’t have to micro-manage. When the potatoes are done, remove the lid and stir. Let your dinner fill your home with delightful smells for a few minutes, allowing excess moisture to steam away. Check for salt, and serve over rice. Feeds four, and makes fantastic leftovers.

Soft Gingerbread Cookies

“curled root makes cunning

blade” – thus spake Shelley Winters

the ginger ninja

During the Tokugawa shogunate, the white-clad ninjas of snowbound Sapporo would bear these into battle to sustain them and, in extreme cases, decapitate their foes. Eat with honor.

• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 2 teaspoons powdered ginger
• 1 teaspoon fresh-ground nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 cup margarine, melted with the heat of your chi
• 1 cup evaporated milk
• 1 cup unsulfured molasses
• 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
• up to 7 cups all-purpose flour

Preheat oven to 375F. Combine the sugar, ginger, nutmeg cinnamon, salt, and baking soda in a large bowl. Mix well.

Add the melted margarine, the evaporated milk, molasses, and vanilla. Add the flour one cup at a time, stirring continually, and kneading until smooth. The dough should be stiff enough to handle without sticking to your fingers (for a spicier cookie, add only 3/4 of a cup of evaporated milk, and the dough will reach the correct consistency with less flour). Roll dough into spheres slightly smaller than a golf ball. Press on to a floured or greased sheet with three fingers. Bake 10-12 minutes until dough springs back to the touch or a toothpick comes out clean. Makes about three dozen. Slip two in your tunic and hearden your heart to the mission ahead.

More than enough for two people.

• 1 ribeye steak sliced into ¼ to ½-inch strips
• 1 cup red wine
• 1 cup soy sauce
• 5 slices fresh ginger
• 5 whole star anise or 1/4 teaspoon aniseed
• 5 garlic cloves, peeled
• udon noodles
• Peanut oil
• Stir-fry vegetables of your choice – snow peas and white onion recommended

Combine everything but the noodles and the peanut oil in a container and let stand in the refrigerator for 2-4 hours. Remove meat from the marinade and press to remove excess liquid.

Pre-head a wok over medium-high heat. Add a tablespoon of peanut oil. Stir-fry vegetables to taste. If you are using onions, caramelization is recommended, but remember that this takes time. Remove vegetables from wok when finished, and set aside.

While vegetables are cooking, start water for udon. Noodles should go into boiling water about the same time the first batch of meat goes into the wok.

Add another tablespoon of oil. Cook the meat in batches – it is done when the texture changes from smooth to coarse.

When all the meat is finished, turn off the heat and add vegetables, meat, and udon to the wok. Mix and serve. Give thanks.

Large tart apples make the best pies.

As summer vegetables wither and die before the onslaught of the fall frosts, a ninja in the countryside must seek out hardier prey. It is during the dark evenings of September and October that a stealthy ninja may acquire the  hardiest and most resilient of all fruits: the apple. And with apples a ninja may create that greatest of all deserts to warm his cold heart in the autumn twilight: an apple pie. Large tart apples make the best pies, so choose your targets carefully. Pedestrian apples such as Macs or the Delicious varieties are both decadent and unsuitable; there is no honor to be found in dispatching them. Varieties such as the aptly named Northern Spie or the Cortland are far better sited opponents to a true ninja.

First, a ninja makes his own crust. Lazy ninjas caught with store bought crust shame their family and their clan unto the last generation. To make a crust worthy of the name combine:

Flour (3 Cups)

Cold Water (6-8 Tablespoons.)

Salt (1 Teaspoon)

Shortening (1 Cup)

I usually roll the dough up into a ball, wrap it in saran wrap, and chill it in the fridge for a while before rolling it out – like a ninja, it handles better when it is chilled to the core. It should be slightly flaky and hard to handle due to the high shortening content. Use extra flour on the counter and on the rolling pin to avoid sticking. Persevere and you will emerge victorious and be rewarded with a golden flaky crust.

Now on to the filling. Combine in a mixing bowl:

1 Cup Sugar

2 Tablespoons Flour

1/2 Teaspoon Cinnamon

1/4 Teaspoon Salt

1 Tablespoon Cider Vinegar

The  salt and vinegar are vital. Just as the sweet taste of victory is always cut with bitterness, so the sugar must be tempered and mastered. When the mixture is thuroughly combined and even in consistency move on to your primary target: the apples.

You will need about five apples. Delicately peel and core them. When that is accomplished, Unleash your fury upon them till they are reduced to thin, compliant slices. Toss the slices in the mix till evenly coated, then place the filling within the crust.

Bake your pie in a 400 degree oven and meditate on what you have done for one hour. Be sure to place your pie pan over a baking sheet or a sheet of tinfoil. Errant juices may spurt from the shell and will result in an impromptu smoke bomb if they build up on the bottom of the oven. Unless you plan on escaping and need a distraction, this is to be avoided.

Let your pie cool for a while before savoring your victory, but do not savor it too much. Winter is nigh and another battle lies just around the corner.

For this recipe you must gather:

2 tablespoons canola oil

2 cups finely chopped onions*

3 garlic cloves, minced or pressed

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon ground coriander

1/3 cup raw basmati rice

4 cups water or vegetable stock

2 cups finely chopped tomatoes

2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

Method

After building a fire, warm the oil in a saucepan. Add the onions, garlic, and salt and sauté on medium heat for about 10 minutes, until the onions are translucent, stirring often. Add the cumin and coriander and sauté for a minute, stirring constantly. Add the rice and water or vegetable stock. Cover and bring to a boil; then reduce the heat. Meditate for 25 minutes or until your ninja intuition tells you that the rice is tender. Stir in the chopped tomatoes, cover, and cook on low heat for about 5 minutes, until the tomatoes are tender. Add the cilantro, salt and pepper to a ninja’s liking. For a more intense soul cleansing, share with the peasants.

* For a novice, I recommend using your sword. For those ninjas who are more advanced, I dare you to do this using your BARE HANDS.**

** A ninja rarely cries…this may be one of them.

For this recipe you will need to subdue:

2 pears
1/2 watermelon
1/2 cantaloupe
1 cucumber
1 fistful Basil

With:

Two knives
Deadly Speed

Chop, scoop, and dice your way through your foe. Combine pleasingly, and perhaps rub a little lemon juice into the wounds. Enjoy.

Little does Jeremy know...

Enter Ninja. Hour Midnight (that’s two times six, Soya). Taste buds around the world—dry, prodding their fading memories of the younger day. The ninja’s glance, disregarding the cowardice of Yellow, fraught and bored with the stains of Red, turns its attention centerward.

The ninjas taste buds—perking from their post-dessert, quasi-hibernation—delight.

Ingredients

Orange

Method

1) Extricate orange from colorful sleeve. (Perform this act just as if you were removing a still-beating heart from the less useful ribcage.)

Ah, more useful now!

2) Create more useful items, such as a spider or umbrella.

Ferocious spider, Daunting umbrella

Time

Midnight. (Because Oranges taste best at midnight.)

This Ninja rite of Spring is the mint yulep to die for (or as the case may be, from). Use a traditional corn-mash (Kentucky-style) bourbon and a peppermint variety of fresh mint (there are many different mints growing out there). Yulep, by the way, is sometimes spelled with a “j” and (even worse!) pronounced that way by someone who doesn’t have any yelp left in him. Be a Yelper!

First, prepare a pitcher of mint sugar syrup – this can be done days in advance: in a heavy saucepan, mix roughly equal quantities of sugar and water, then keep on adding more sugar until no more will dissolve (about half again as much sugar as used initially should do it). May be heated to a boil, but do not scorch or caramelize. The hot syrup should be perfectly translucent; add more water only if the last grains of sugar refuse to dissolve. Now, take off the stove and add a bunch of mint (roughly equal in volume, loosely packed, to the quantity of sugar). The mint will wilt in the hot syrup. Let it steep while the syrup cools. After an hour or so remove the wilted mint pieces and chill the (now yellow-green) syrup in the refrigerator. When cold add one unwilted sprig of mint to float in the syrup as decoration. Try not to use warm syrup to make yuleps as this melts too much ice which overly dilutes the drink.

Second, prepare a batch of finely-crushed ice – not smoothie-fine but gravelly. If feasible, stockpile ample crushed ice in the freezer in advance; you will need a lot of this: around one cup of ice per yulep. An old-style blender or ice crusher does a nice job; the traditional way (place chunks of solid ice in a canvas bag and pound with a wood or rubber mallet) also works well, particularly in the field.

Third, prepare each yulep, for immediate consumption. Use a metal cup if available, or glass, not plastic and never paper (which does not sweat properly). The traditional yulep cup is made of silver; a pewter mug or Jefferson cups also will do. Per yulep: start with one oz. syrup and two oz. bourbon, then add one cup crushed ice, insert a short sprig of mint for decoration, round off the top of the cup with more ice, and add a dash of bourbon on top for flavor (aka ‘kick’).

Best drunk in hot, humid weather at a races tailgate party when the yulep cup is dripping wet with sweat. Next best if consumed while watching the Derby Day action at Churchill Downs on TV. For proper Ninja preparedness, time so the second round is served at the bugle call to Post, with refills in hand before They’re Off. Excellent with Virginia ham biscuits or beef chili.

The ninja needs to eat lunch, it is true. Sometimes, however, the ninja’s hunger is not sated by a single heart-shaped dish. Occasionally the ninja needs to destroy lunch like a cocky warlord’s errant army of undisciplined henchmen. That’s what this dish brings to mind: the broken spears and decapitated foes of one’s enemy, personified by delicate spring asparagus, vanquished tofu, defeated spinach, and charmingly golden, pan-fried chickpeas, all prostrate to the awesome power of lemon.

Ah, lemon! What fruit could be more beautiful, striking, or useful? Consider its glorious flavor, clean and bright. Consider its arresting yellow color, its beautiful zest. Consider its efficacy as a weapon: used to stun an opponent when deployed as a projectile, squirted into the frantic eye of a foe, or most devious, employed as that silent agent that finds all hidden paper-cuts, lurking unnoticed, on an enemy hand. Such is the power of the lemon, and such is the power of this dish.

Ingredients

1 lemon, juiced and zested
1 can of chickpeas, rinsed and drained
1/2 bunch of asparagus, cut into 1 inch sections
1 package of tofu (medium or firm), drained, cut into delectable morsels
1 medium onion, or 2 shallots, diced
1 handful of baby spinach, roughly chopped as if by swords
1 generous glug of olive oil

Method

Artfully glug the olive oil into a waiting skillet, and add the tofu. cook until it has heated through, and begun to color. Remove from pan and set aside. In the same skillet, add the onions and your chickpeas and cook for several minutes until both have started to caramelize and turn delightfully golden. Add your asparagus. Stir occasionally so that nothing burns, and add a little oil if things begin to stick. As soon as your asparagus have cooked through (a few to several minutes, depending on how thick they are) turn off the heat and add your patiently waiting tofu and the baby spinach. Do not fear: it will surrender to the heat of the pan. Once it has wilted, add the lemon zest and juice. Stir, then salt to taste.

Serve with your favorite peasant-tribute grain. This serves 2 ravenously hungry ninja, or up to 4 henchmen.

*Adapted for asparagus from the always ninjarific food blog, 101cookbooks by Heidi Swanson.