Food for Ninjas

Blood orange and chocolate with cake

Jeremy’s more sanguine cousins make an appearance once a year, and vanish in February, the cruelest month of all. What better way to pin them down than with cake? Paired with chocolate*, you might even call it bittersweet.

The Cake:
2 sticks butter
2 cups white sugar
4 large eggs

zest of two large oranges

juice of one large orange

1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
pinch salt
3 cups flour
1/4 – 1/3 cup baking cocoa (Might we recommend hunting down the good stuff?)
1/3 cup vanilla yogurt

The  Topping:
juice of one large orange
8 oz cream cheese
1 tbsp butter
1/3 cup powdered sugar

Stoke the fires. You want the center of the oven to be 350 degrees by the time you’re ready with the batter.

Grease and flour a bundt pan. While it may seem irrational to bake an entire cake, only to leave out the middle, we assure you that the hole in the heart of this dense cake is for its own good.

Sequester the flour, leavening agents, salt and cocoa. Let them consider their combined fate while you move on.

Beat the butter and sugar into submission. This may take a while, particularly if you take the butter by surprise in the freezer. A wise ninja would have waited for it to come to room temperature, but we understand if your reflexes are sluggish after the long winter. When the butter and sugar have combined to a light mixture, add the eggs one at a time, mixing briefly, and conclude by tossing in the zest.

Retrieve the flour mixture and combine gradually with the butter mixture while folding in the yogurt and juice.

Bake for 50 minutes to 1 hour, until a dagger comes out clean.

Meanwhile, combine the cream cheese, butter, juice, and sugar. Beat until smooth.

Remove cake from the oven and allow it too cool. Some persuasion may be required to convince the pan to release its grip. Creative application of a knife and a few sound thumps should suffice.

Coat the cake with the topping.

Enjoy.

* We suppose you could make this cake without chocolate, but can’t imagine why.

mmm, floral

The ninja who prowls
through a field of lavender
smells like a sock drawer.

– 6th c. haiku

Lavender: not just for your deadly hand soaps and sachets anymore.  The secret of bringing your enemy to their knees is dollops of lavender cream.  Lest you fear bringing shame upon your family for just eating it with a spoon in front of the fridge… ahem… let us create a vehicle for consumption too.

Lavender Cream
1.5 cup heavy cream
3 Tbs honey
1 Tbs dried lavender blossoms (I found them at One World Market, or online)

Combine in a small saucepan and bring to a boil, stirring frequently.  Remove from heat, and steep for 30 minutes (or less, depending on your taste).  Strain into a jar, reserving 0.5 cup for scones.  Chill the remaining cream several hours to overnight.  When you’re ready to attack, whip the cream in a cold bowl to desired stiffness.  Apply liberally and often (It also freezes well).

Lemon & Lavender Scones
Combine:
2 cups A.P. flour
1 Tbs baking powder
3 Tbs sugar
0.25 tsp salt
Rub in 6 Tbs of cold unsalted butter until it looks like lumpy sand.

Whisk together:
0.5 cup lavender cream
1 egg
Zest of one lemon
Juice of half the lemon
(I prefer Meyer lemons, if you don’t have any add a little more sugar)

Combine wet and dry ingredients- until it just holds together as a ball of sticky dough.  Turn it out onto a floured surface, and roll to desired thickness.  Cut into the shape of your choice, brush the tops with cream and sprinkle with sugar.  Bake 10-15 minutes, until golden around the edges.

What do I do with the other 1/2 lemon?

this won't hurt a bit...

Lemon Curd
Combine 0.5 c sugar, 3 Tbs flour, 0.5 tsp salt;  whisk in 0.75 cup (Meyer) lemon juice (ok, that’s about 4 lemons. But a true ninja is never without extra lemons).  Bring to a boil, stirring constantly.  Temper 1 egg yolk with lemon mixture, put back on heat and cook for an additional minute or so. Stir in 1 Tbs lemon zest, 1 Tbs butter. Cover and chill.

(aka Monkey Bread)

Mmmm monkey.

You have mastered many cunning techniques a worldly ninja needs to survive and feed herself: Buddha’s Palm, Poaching Egg, Downward Facing Dog, Béchamel, Bojutsu, Wisk-jutsu, Monkey Fist, Hollow Leg. Below is a most delicious bread for both your Monkey Fist and your Hollow Leg.

Patiently prepare the dough the evening before. Let the rambunctious yeast do their nefarious work under the cover of darkness, letting the dough’s longer, second rise proceed over night.  Go about your morning routine of sword sharpening and coffee making enjoying the smell of freshly baking Monkey…Bread.

Dough*
4 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided (2 tablespoons softened for greasing the pan,  2 tablespoons melted for dough)
1 cup milk, warm (around 110 F degrees)
1/3 cup water, warm (also around 110 F degrees)
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 package or 2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour, plus extra for your work surface
2 teaspoons table salt

*For oracular yeast and baking help check out the King Arthur Flour website.

Brown Sugar Coating
1 cup packed light brown sugar
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
8 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 stick or 4 ounces), melted

Prep this recipe the evening before, let it rise the second time over night, and bake in the morning.

Make dough:

In large measuring cup, mix together milk, water, melted butter, sugar, and yeast.

To make dough by hand, mix flour and salt in large bowl. Make well in flour, then add milk mixture to well. Using wooden spoon, stir until dough becomes shaggy and is difficult to stir. Turn out onto lightly floured work surface and begin to knead, incorporating shaggy scraps back into dough. Knead until dough is smooth, satiny and decides to stop attacking you with its doughy sticky-ness, about 10 minutes. Shape into taut ball.

Coat large bowl with oil. Place dough in bowl and coat surface of dough with the oil. Cover bowl with plastic wrap and place in warm place  (60-75°F maybe) or in cold oven (to avoid drafts) until it doubles in size, a minimum of 60 minutes, but up to several hours is fine. This is the first rise.

Nefarious yeast after the first rise.

Make brown sugar coating:

Place melted butter in one small bowl. Mix brown sugar and cinnamon in a second.

Form the bread:

Flip dough out onto floured surface and gently pat into an 8-inch square. Cut dough into ~1-inch x 1-inch small pieces. Shape each piece into a ball. Dip balls in melted butter, then roll in brown sugar mixture and layer the balls in Bundt pan. (A fork works well for the coating.)

Cover Bundt pan tightly with plastic wrap and place warm room (60-75°F maybe) or in cold oven (to avoid drafts) until dough balls are puffy and have risen overnight. This is the second rise.

Your work for the evening is done. Cover, and sleep soundly as the yeast continue to prove their unicellular usefulness.

Bake bread:

In the morning heat oven to 350°F. Unwrap pan and bake until top is deep brown, 30 to 35 minutes. Cool in pan for 5 minutes (no longer, or you’ll have trouble getting it out) then turn out to cool.

Do not despair if the Bread For Your Monkey Fist looks more like a Pile of Monkeys when you take it out of the pan. It will still satisfy a council of fierce warriors.

Monkey Pile.

Recipe modified from SmittenKitchen.com (where you can find the non-over-night version with instant yeast, bread machine directions, pictures of the bread that came out of the mold properly and generally more detailed directions).

Epicurious George has, as always, a point: the Orange is a delightful treat for taste buds skirting the edge of sleep. And without eyes in the back of its head, it is easy prey for the sluggish ninja. However, for those seeking a more impressive medium with which to display their skill, might we recommend a collaboration?

For this recipe you will need to subdue:

2 pears
1/2 watermelon
1/2 cantaloupe
1 cucumber
1 fistful Basil

With:

Two knives
Deadly Speed

Chop, scoop, and dice your way through your foe. Combine pleasingly, and perhaps rub a little lemon juice into the wounds. Enjoy.

Fellow Ninjas, sharpen those Ronco Knives for some serious slicing of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Can it possibly be a coincidence that this recipe is being posted on the Feast Day of Crispin, patron saint of Cobblers? Clearly the universe is unfolding as it should and the interconnectedness of all things is revealed in this recipe. The simple is complex; the complex, simple. The true Zen knows that they who tell do not know; they who know do not tell. So I am secure in the knowledge that each warrior will discover too late the stealth nature of this weapon that will destroy each of you with your own weight. Be in the present moment.

RECIPE

Enough Apples to fill 8 inch square pan
1/2 cup Brown Sugar
1/2 cup White Sugar
1/2 cup Oatmeal
1/2 cup Flour
1/3 cup Butter
3/4 teaspoon Cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon Nutmeg

METHOD

Go Apple Picking at an orchard of your choice (Macintosh Apples preferred, but we won’t be PC about this)

Peel, if desired, and slice sufficient apples to fill an 8 inch Square Pan

Arrange them in an esthetically pleasing pattern.

Mix the rest of the ingredients with pastry blender until crumbly

Top apples with crisp mixture

Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until apples are tender, but not mushy.

Let cool for a while. Serve warm topped with ice cream. The true warrior may prefer it cold the next morning at breakfast. With proper restraint the recipe will nourish both the spirit and body of one warrior a couple of days, unless you choose to share with a fellow Ninja who has approached you with an appropriately hand crafted ceramic Begging Bowl. Be wary of imitations, cheap imports and impostors.

Zenth Degree of YUM